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[nonvoting]

@tseng

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[nonvoting]

Both, perhaps.

[unionized]

[I can't imagine you deriving pl, he begins typing, and then immediately deletes it on account of the admission that he be imagining anything at all to begin with.]

I'm not surprised. You don't strike me as the type.

[He hesitates, almost absently supplying one more sentence without quite realizing how it sort of tells on himself.]

To let yourself be weak, that is. For any reason.

[nonvoting]

I would argue that within a good dom, the submissive partner is in fact the one with all the power.

[unionized]

[...?]

On what basis?

[nonvoting]

A good dominant is beholden to their submissive. They have control because their submissive allows them to have control, not because they take it by force, and that control can be revoked at any moment with a word or a gesture. Even if the submissive is in a more physically vulnerable position, the scales of power tip undeniably in their direction.

[unionized]

Then evidently I haven't excelled at it. At least not by that measure.

Has that ever happened to you? Someone you'd tied up decided to exercise their power, and you listened?

[nonvoting]

It has, yes. Twice.

[unionized]

Though I imagine you lost respect for them, for doing that?

[nonvoting]

No, sir. If anything, I gained respect for them.

[unionized]

For not being able to take what you were inflicting?

[nonvoting]

For recognizing and enforcing their own boundaries, rather than allowing me to take advantage because they thought it's what I wanted.

[unionized]

Seems more like a damper on your own fun, frankly.

Tell me the red flags of a bad dominant.

cw: sa mention

[nonvoting]

[ tseng doesn't respond to that first part, if only because he doesn't know how to articulate i may be a killer, but i'm not a rapist. ]

Someone who ignores safe words or gestures, or who violates agreed-upon boundaries. Discussing expectations is important, especially early in a dynamic, and neither party can be unilateral in decisions about rules and punishments. A certain amount of trust is foundational, and anyone who willfully violates that trust is a bad dominant.

[unionized]

[He's quiet a while, no response forthcoming, though his "last seen at" timestamp never appears so it's also obvious he hasn't set the message down or tabbed away, just lingering over the conversation at hand.]

So it's a business relationship. Contractual? Verbal or otherwise.

[nonvoting]

For me, yes. There are also those for whom BDSM is part of their romantic relationships as well.

[unionized]

If all this is standard Turk training, I must have been exempted from those class lectures.

...

Is there anything more I should be aware of? On this topic.

[nonvoting]

No, sir. This was extracurricular.

[ back in the day when tseng had enough time for extracurriculars, that is.

for a moment, tseng just looks at the input field. he wants to ask why rufus wants to know—is it an intellectual curiosity, or is he considering trying it out himself? and if the latter, would be come to tseng or would he prefer a dom that he doesn't know so well?

the idea of letting rufus submit to him sits strangely, but so does the idea of letting rufus submit to someone else.

eventually: ]

It is an expansive topic, but I believe we've covered the key basics. If you have any other questions, I will answer them to the best of my ability.

[unionized]

Are you confident in your ability to make assessments of others? Skill, professionalism, red flags. Things like that.

[nonvoting]

I am.

[unionized]

Then I'd like your assessment of me.

It doesn't have to be immediate. Take whatever time you need to be comprehensive.

[nonvoting]

[ oh! tseng is gonna die. ]

In what role, sir?

[unionized]

[Well. That question just hit him like a sack of bricks to the face. And that means he is now faced with a very significant question, that being: does he actually want the answers he's decided to solicit, and whatever potentially useful information that might come of it — or is he a coward.]

Both.

[nonvoting]

Understood. Would you prefer that I observe?

[ or... does rufus want a more hands-on... evaluation? ]

[unionized]

[Oh. Oh, he really fucked up with this one. Oh, he fucked up.]

No. Just your impressions based on prior knowledge.

I'm not concerned with accuracy so much as perspective.

[nonvoting]

Yes, sir. I'll come back to you with my observations when they're complete.