[ far be it from tseng to deny rufus the pleasure of blowing him awake, but he also can't expect rufus to willingly get up early enough to make it happen... ]
Or you can take me to dinner somewhere you like. Or both.
Both would be nice. But I think what I was hoping for was the chance to do something...novel. Not necessarily extravagant. Not that spending time together isn't special. Just...
[Hm.]
...I'm trying to come up with an elegant way of articulating "a sex thing we haven't done yet". I'm not sure if any amount of workshopping would save this one.
I'm not sure there is an especially elegant way to articulate that, but for what it's worth, I like it when you talk a little dirty.
[ "talk a little dirty" is different than dirty talk, of course, which tseng has never hoped for and can't imagine asking rufus to do. there is just something enjoyable about rufus saying things straightforwardly. ]
Hmm... Is there anything you know you won't be in the mood for?
I'll keep that in mind. And try to embrace candor, however inelegant.
[...]
I would be willing to let you have me even [Huge inhale. Massive focus.] if I didn't have a cock at the time. Wherever my boundary is, that's currently sitting inside it. So...try me.
[ it takes two read-throughs of the text in order for tseng to parse it, and then a third to overcome the hot, immediate surge of arousal that rips through him at the image. he remembers rufus mentioning something about an early birthday gift that gave him the ability to change his body, but it hasn't come up since, and back then tseng hadn't entirely been in the habit of thinking about different ways to fuck rufus— ]
I didn't realize that was even an option.
[ shiva. ]
I don't think I'd be able to think of anything but that, even if you did take me to dinner. So. Maybe that, first. And dinner later.
I'm not sure it always has been, truthfully. But I'm confident that it is, now, for you. Only you, obviously.
[Which is hopefully reassurance enough that yes, he's given it some thought. Quite a lot of thought, frankly, and less uncertainty than he otherwise might have expected.]
What I do need you to specify is the...degree. Of.
[Wait. No, it's fine, he just said he likes it when Rufus talks a little dirty.]
We can do the whole thing. Tits. Lingerie. A dress. I just want your input about what to do.
I admit there's something lingering on my mind about the prospect, but it involves subjects we've previously committed to not bringing up in passionate moments because they're generally unsexy. Do you mind if I voice it? I don't want to taint anything for you.
All right. It's a question about my...let's call it "presentation".
There's a very natural template for a beautiful woman that resembles me — my mother. There's a good chance that if I do this, I might end up looking like her. But I can also see how that might significantly kill the mood, particularly now that I've said so out loud.
I could also make very minimal changes and look essentially like myself, but that might be disorienting for me to experience in an uncanny valley sort of way, and I know you'd rather I be comfortable.
But when you say "feel attractive" — I'm not that much of a narcissist to be hot for myself, and my desire to kill my father never had anything to do with anything Oedipal. So...would that entail me producing a result that I could say that I myself am attracted to?
Help me define the scope of this. It's a whole new landscape to explore.
I feel personally confident in asserting that there is no chance I would ever think about your mother while in bed with you, but I do understand the hesitation.
[ there's a pause, the kind where typing bubbles appear and disappear a few times before tseng's next message comes through. ]
Would it help if I told you what I tend to find attractive in female partners?
This is new ground for me, too. I'm not sure how best to express that it's you as a person that I'm most attracted to and that the shape of your physical body is of secondary importance. It also feels egotistical to suggest that the strength of my attraction to you should correspondingly be enough to make you feel attractive. But if guidance re: my broad preferences would help...
If it's any reassurance? Just like you like it when I talk a little dirty, I like it when you're visibly, overtly attracted to me. I don't need it to know you're attracted to me, obviously. But it feels good. Being hot, because you think I am.
And to be clear, what I want here is to be so hot that you get hard from the moment you lay eyes on me. Ideally so that I'll have to drop to my knees and suck you off just to get enough blood back to your brain to remember to take me to the bedroom.
That outcome feels like a near certainty regardless, but I'm always happy to facilitate you making me insane in previously unprecedented ways.
[ considering that at this point, tseng remembering to get rufus to the bedroom is anyway an exercise in luck more than coherent thought. ]
At least a little bit shorter than me. Hair shoulder length or longer for how satisfying it is to pull, but no preference on style. I suppose I would be what's colloquially called an "ass man" more than anything else, so breast size is less important.
Makeup is nice, but not a necessity. If you do choose to wear it, don't wear lipstick. I acknowledge that I'm an outlier in this regard, but I don't like how it feels, either when kissing or on my cock.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ far be it from tseng to deny rufus the pleasure of blowing him awake, but he also can't expect rufus to willingly get up early enough to make it happen... ]
Or you can take me to dinner somewhere you like. Or both.
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[Hm.]
...I'm trying to come up with an elegant way of articulating "a sex thing we haven't done yet". I'm not sure if any amount of workshopping would save this one.
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[ "talk a little dirty" is different than dirty talk, of course, which tseng has never hoped for and can't imagine asking rufus to do. there is just something enjoyable about rufus saying things straightforwardly. ]
Hmm... Is there anything you know you won't be in the mood for?
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[...]
I would be willing to let you have me even [Huge inhale. Massive focus.] if I didn't have a cock at the time. Wherever my boundary is, that's currently sitting inside it. So...try me.
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I didn't realize that was even an option.
[ shiva. ]
I don't think I'd be able to think of anything but that, even if you did take me to dinner. So. Maybe that, first. And dinner later.
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[Which is hopefully reassurance enough that yes, he's given it some thought. Quite a lot of thought, frankly, and less uncertainty than he otherwise might have expected.]
What I do need you to specify is the...degree. Of.
[Wait. No, it's fine, he just said he likes it when Rufus talks a little dirty.]
We can do the whole thing. Tits. Lingerie. A dress. I just want your input about what to do.
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I suppose what I'm getting at is, how hard into the feminine do you want me to lean?
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I admit there's something lingering on my mind about the prospect, but it involves subjects we've previously committed to not bringing up in passionate moments because they're generally unsexy. Do you mind if I voice it? I don't want to taint anything for you.
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There's a very natural template for a beautiful woman that resembles me — my mother. There's a good chance that if I do this, I might end up looking like her. But I can also see how that might significantly kill the mood, particularly now that I've said so out loud.
I could also make very minimal changes and look essentially like myself, but that might be disorienting for me to experience in an uncanny valley sort of way, and I know you'd rather I be comfortable.
But when you say "feel attractive" — I'm not that much of a narcissist to be hot for myself, and my desire to kill my father never had anything to do with anything Oedipal. So...would that entail me producing a result that I could say that I myself am attracted to?
Help me define the scope of this. It's a whole new landscape to explore.
no subject
[ there's a pause, the kind where typing bubbles appear and disappear a few times before tseng's next message comes through. ]
Would it help if I told you what I tend to find attractive in female partners?
This is new ground for me, too. I'm not sure how best to express that it's you as a person that I'm most attracted to and that the shape of your physical body is of secondary importance. It also feels egotistical to suggest that the strength of my attraction to you should correspondingly be enough to make you feel attractive. But if guidance re: my broad preferences would help...
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And to be clear, what I want here is to be so hot that you get hard from the moment you lay eyes on me. Ideally so that I'll have to drop to my knees and suck you off just to get enough blood back to your brain to remember to take me to the bedroom.
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[ considering that at this point, tseng remembering to get rufus to the bedroom is anyway an exercise in luck more than coherent thought. ]
At least a little bit shorter than me. Hair shoulder length or longer for how satisfying it is to pull, but no preference on style. I suppose I would be what's colloquially called an "ass man" more than anything else, so breast size is less important.
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What are your thoughts on makeup? I'm not doing this halfway. Consider me committed to the figurative bit.
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Regardless, now I think I have a more fleshed-out idea of what I'm going to do. I'm looking forward to seeing what you think of it.
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I'm glad. I'm looking forward to it too. Do you want to let me know when you're ready?