[Well, the bait's in the water. Now it's just a question of how long before he throws the hook. Or...however the metaphor goes, does he look like a person who goes fishing?]
A softball to start with, then. To get us warmed up.
How did you discover that restaurant we went to on my birthday?
I discovered it a month or so ago in the course of my regular rounds. I never visited with anyone, and it did not seem like the type of place one visits alone. When I was thinking of where to take you for your birthday, it seemed an obvious choice.
[ not only for its intimacy and the types of food and drink offered, but because bringing rufus there made it a place that tseng has only ever been with rufus. he does not include this as part of his response. ]
Speaking of your birthday, did you like your gift?
[What's funny is, the answer to this question is very simple, and perfectly benign, and yet it still treads close enough to the thought that originated this little game at all that it gives him pause, even as he types it out.]
[ too much risk to rufus, in midgar. at best, they could have had a meal in his private quarters, but even that would require care not to be spotted by anyone they didn't want gossiping. ]
When I first arrived here, on the beach, someone told me they thought of this place like a fresh start. A clean slate and anonymity, where anyone could be anything they wanted regardless of who they were before.
The way he said it, I thought it sounded like hell. Imagine wanting to be someone other than myself, after everything I've done to become what I am.
I want to eat Wutai food without concerns of making an international political statement. I want to hear the results of that assessment I asked you for.
And I want
[...]
There are some things I want that I have no control over.
[ instead of writing it all out in a text, tseng just attaches a file to his response. it's a pdf document, and it contains several pages of notes, beginning with rufus' personality and habits before moving to a brief summary of how those personality traits would intersect with the expected behaviors of a dominant or submissive partner.
in terms of rufus as a dominant: he has the confidence and the assertiveness for it, but the fact that he considers submission demeaning and would likely judge a sub for using their safe word would make it difficult for him to establish a healthy d/s relationship with a new partner. tseng recommends that he experiment with more experienced partners first.
in terms of rufus as a submissive: because so much of his sense of self is tied to the power that he's able to wield over others, submitting and allowing himself to be vulnerable to someone else would likely be a difficult task for him. he would most likely refuse to use his safe word for fear of retribution or mockery, or would force himself beyond his own limits due to an avoidance of perceived failure.
nonetheless, the assessment concludes that while rufus may be most comfortable acting the part of a dominant, in truth he would likely make a much better submissive, if he could just get over the baggage. (not in those exact words, of course.) ]
[It's a good thing that this wasn't delivered in person, for both their sakes. There's something in the painstakingly clinical way Tseng writes his assessment yet interjects his speculations that makes him think back to that day with the white thread, the way he'd said I can barely stand it, how he must've imagined the partners in these hypothetical scenarios the same way they'd both conceptualized all those other strangers who might have been attached to their strings.
It's good for his sake, too, because the conclusions are —]
This makes it sound as though I'm bad at both.
[It's, like. 50% meant as a joke.]
When you say limits, in the second half. If I can go beyond them, are they really limits to begin with?
[shiva h. summons on a diamond dust cracker, rufus, holy shit.]
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A softball to start with, then. To get us warmed up.
How did you discover that restaurant we went to on my birthday?
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[ not only for its intimacy and the types of food and drink offered, but because bringing rufus there made it a place that tseng has only ever been with rufus. he does not include this as part of his response. ]
Speaking of your birthday, did you like your gift?
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[But then, after a moment:]
The craftsmanship is flawless. It looks just like her.
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[ it's enough, to know it was something rufus enjoyed. ]
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Not unless you want to.
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I don't want to wait.
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[ there's something strange and tense in his gut as tseng stares down at his phone and then types his own question. ]
Do you want me to be part of "like that"?
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[...Oh. Wait.]
That one is rhetorical, if it wasn't obvious. No answer expected.
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[ it actually is a good thing rufus specified because tseng 100% would have answered. ]
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We couldn't have done that in Midgar, could we?
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[ too much risk to rufus, in midgar. at best, they could have had a meal in his private quarters, but even that would require care not to be spotted by anyone they didn't want gossiping. ]
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The way he said it, I thought it sounded like hell. Imagine wanting to be someone other than myself, after everything I've done to become what I am.
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I don't want to be anyone other than myself. And I am Shinra.
I just wonder if I killed what I was to become what I am. Or if it's only...buried somewhere, out of sight and out of mind.
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For what it's worth, I think the latter.
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If I weren't your boss, would your opinion of me change?
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My opinion, no. It wasn't so long ago that you weren't my boss, and I still held you in high regard.
[ his feelings, on the other hand... tseng puts a tight lid on that thought before it takes root. ]
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I will point out that clarifying it's your opinion that wouldn't change begs the implication that something else would.
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[ ha ha... good save(?) ]
Is there anything else that you couldn't do in Midgar that you would like to do here?
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I want to eat Wutai food without concerns of making an international political statement.
I want to hear the results of that assessment I asked you for.
And I want
[...]
There are some things I want that I have no control over.
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You'll have to tell me if I can help with the others.
Would you like to hear the assessment now?
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But yes, tell me. I'm sure I'll have at least two questions to ask once I hear it.
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in terms of rufus as a dominant: he has the confidence and the assertiveness for it, but the fact that he considers submission demeaning and would likely judge a sub for using their safe word would make it difficult for him to establish a healthy d/s relationship with a new partner. tseng recommends that he experiment with more experienced partners first.
in terms of rufus as a submissive: because so much of his sense of self is tied to the power that he's able to wield over others, submitting and allowing himself to be vulnerable to someone else would likely be a difficult task for him. he would most likely refuse to use his safe word for fear of retribution or mockery, or would force himself beyond his own limits due to an avoidance of perceived failure.
nonetheless, the assessment concludes that while rufus may be most comfortable acting the part of a dominant, in truth he would likely make a much better submissive, if he could just get over the baggage. (not in those exact words, of course.) ]
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It's good for his sake, too, because the conclusions are —]
This makes it sound as though I'm bad at both.
[It's, like. 50% meant as a joke.]
When you say limits, in the second half. If I can go beyond them, are they really limits to begin with?
[shiva h. summons on a diamond dust cracker, rufus, holy shit.]
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